This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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