dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
