Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
