The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
