she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
