Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
