I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
