Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
