Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
