I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
