Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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