Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
