These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
