it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
