I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
