so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
