I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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