I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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