I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
