Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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