So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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