He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
