no, he came in my armpit
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Too much gin, very little bucket
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
