It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
