so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just pee around me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
