Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
