hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
