i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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