You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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