how can u be prego again
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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