a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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