i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
