OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
