Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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