I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
