We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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