I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
