You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
