i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
