Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
