What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
