God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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