i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
