I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
