One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
