Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
