I am puke
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
