we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
