i dedicated my morning wood to you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
