you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
