Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
