my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
